DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
JokEs,,,,:)
(1) TURN INTO STONE
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!
(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his ...
4th wife ..... baby doll
3rd wife ..... china doll
wife ..... barbie doll
1st wife ..... panadol
(3)HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "Is It In Dear?"...
(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'? "Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? " "Six times a week !!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel!"
(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a petrol station. Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"
(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of "Playboy" and Wife on the cover of "Missing Persons"
(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher : What do you want to become?
Little Johnny : Doctor !
Teacher : Why? Little Johnny : Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why??? Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything.
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!
(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his ...
4th wife ..... baby doll
3rd wife ..... china doll
wife ..... barbie doll
1st wife ..... panadol
(3)HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "Is It In Dear?"...
(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'? "Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? " "Six times a week !!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel!"
(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a petrol station. Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"
(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of "Playboy" and Wife on the cover of "Missing Persons"
(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher : What do you want to become?
Little Johnny : Doctor !
Teacher : Why? Little Johnny : Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why??? Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything.
Monday, February 05, 2007
genting genting!!
yeah.. i was in genting.. for boyz2men concert .. yeahh!!..ehh he
the concert was great.. we paid rm60 for the tix but guess wat.. we crept to the centre part of the seats and juz filled in some of the empty seats hah a.. view was so much better boy!!... here;s some of the pics i took...
it was only a two-hour concert.. but we truly enjoyed ourselves.. not to mention dancing and screaming and cheering there like no body;s business with my 'porn star' fren hah a..
it was surely misty in genting.. and surely it was cold.. my fren was shivering and i could feel the wind blowing thru my jeans.. (london was much colder tho hah a). spent some time at the theme park.. unlimited rides.. hit each other multiple times at the bumper car rides.. went for some boring rides.. (since its free).. and also casino.. (its my first time there..) their bets can go up to hundreds and thousands.. boy.. i juz gulp at the amount of money they can gamble there!
p/s: my fren who could 'see ghost' told me that he could see the ghosts' hands holding on to yr legs in the casino.. no wonder ppl stayed there so long inside... until they lose all their money..
jus dun FREAK out..
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
one night stand...
Mc macho: how was yr new year?Me: i went TO one nite stand..
Mc macho: omg... one nite stand?!.. wuUUuuuuuuu
Me: hey.. thats the name of the club in singapore man!! i din HAVE a one night stand..
Mc macho: hah ha.. i tot u really went for one night stand.. ..
Me: dun worry u r not the first person wid that reaction hah ah.. had a great time chillin there.. :)
its jan 2007!!!
New year resolutions...
ocmei9saut7e8a
ejietei9e t9etejfek
iejt4ifniet9akhfuetew
ijfet8ew9tew9etew
do u understand that? think i need to figure it out one day.. ha hah
prayer of the day:
DEaR LOrd, please grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change those things I can and the Wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I may have to kill because they freaking piss me off!!! ha hah juz kiddiing...
ocmei9saut7e8a
ejietei9e t9etejfek
iejt4ifniet9akhfuetew
ijfet8ew9tew9etew
do u understand that? think i need to figure it out one day.. ha hah
prayer of the day:
DEaR LOrd, please grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change those things I can and the Wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I may have to kill because they freaking piss me off!!! ha hah juz kiddiing...
Sunday, December 03, 2006
just my thought..
have you ever avoided someone because you hated them so much? or have you avoided someone because you liked him so much that you are afraid you will blush or do something wrong in front of him?
have you ever loved someone that you hated? or hate someone you fell in love with?
ever wished that you are single when you are attached? or attached when you are single?
ever been single and lonely and without dates? or attached and have many many guys going after you?
ever done something so easily and did a great job? or tried so hard and worked yr arse out and still fail?
ever feel trapped in a carrier that you wished that you'd never end up with and at the same time thought that you cant do anything else but to cut some flesh?
ever thought that love is so near yet so far? or its far but you can feel that love is near?
can you ever choose which side of life you wanted? and never regret?
life is just too unpredictable..
+nyny ponders...+
have you ever loved someone that you hated? or hate someone you fell in love with?
ever wished that you are single when you are attached? or attached when you are single?
ever been single and lonely and without dates? or attached and have many many guys going after you?
ever done something so easily and did a great job? or tried so hard and worked yr arse out and still fail?
ever feel trapped in a carrier that you wished that you'd never end up with and at the same time thought that you cant do anything else but to cut some flesh?
ever thought that love is so near yet so far? or its far but you can feel that love is near?
can you ever choose which side of life you wanted? and never regret?
life is just too unpredictable..
+nyny ponders...+
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
